As many of you already know, “firewhiskey” or “firewhisky” is the name of an alcoholic beverage from J. K. Rowling’s unaccountably-popular Harry Potter series. While not serving an extensive role in the books, it has nevertheless spurred many fans to seek out firewhiskey…or create some themselves.
Yes, yes, I know — “for kids of all ages” and all that. Many people find that a bit of childish, meaningless banality is exactly what they need from time to time. Others need a little bit more to put them in that mood, and that’s where “firewhiskey” comes in.
Need more specifics? Add three to seven drops of Tabasco to a shot glass of whiskey…because the problem with whiskey has always been that it doesn’t burn your throat enough, right?
On the other hand you may very well want to have a bit of firewhiskey, you know where, when the symptoms of aging catch up with you. Consider andropause treatments with a tall glass of fire whisky to eradicate those aging-related hormone changes that subtly and insidiously start for most men in their forties but become much more evident as the 50’s and 60’s roll in. Banish forever with a wave of a wand low libido, low energy levels, fatigue, loss of concentration, depression, muscle loss, weight gain, and mood swings. If only us men were so lucky. The good news is there are age management medicine wizards who can an individualized complete age management plan. Not only will you get educated about what’s happening, you’ll mot likely be put on a healthier diet that’s a whole lot tastier then downing fire whiskey shots, and start an exercise program, but also most important receive medical interventions to help balance and optimize hormone levels including testosterone and DHEA. They might even add a dollop of vitamins / herbal treatments, along with a helping of anti-oxidant and other cellular protective medicines. You’ll be poked and prodded, and get lots of blood tests. Hey, giving up a bit of blood is well worth it if a young libido rears it happy head once more. However, if you are not careful you could get yourself into a pickle, particularly if you have unprotected sex or multiple partners. Oh, you randy old man! Then what do you do? You could go to your doctor or a clinic if you are concerned about contracting an STD. Or you could order std test kits online from std-test-kits.org. Ah, you didn’t know that, did you. Yes, you now can test yourself in the privacy of your home and get results in 15 minutes. Concerned about how accurate the results are? Most tests are between 95%-99% accurate. However, if the result is positive or you have symptoms that persist, you will need to make an appointment to to a medical professional for further testing. Well, don’t get carried away with that firewhiskey. You don’t need to worry about STD’s and other annoying entanglements resulting from indiscrete behavior.
I drank a beer once that boasted a hot pepper in the bottle. It was not great. In fact, I’m pretty sure that I was sad that someone had ruined a perfectly good beer AND a perfectly good pepper. I think that’s why you don’t often see chocolate-covered steak, or a nice prime rib with a creamy peanut-butter center or deep sea scallops slathered with whipped cream. Who wants to eat their cheerios with chopped liver , or jelly donuts with creamed spinach? Life is too short. The taste buds may thrive with odd combinations of sweet and sour, hot and cold, but enough already about bad ideas for whiskey.